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The Four Types of People Who Get Strippers
Pretty much every guy in the planet has been to a strip club at some point (the staff at Cracked and the Amish being the chaste exceptions to this generalization). That said there are four basiThe Four Types of People Who Frequent Strip Clubs
Pretty much every guy in the planet has been to a strip club at some point (the staff at Cracked and the Amish being the chaste exceptions to this generalization). That said there are four basic categories of strip club patron:
- College Kids - These are the loud mouth jackasses who blast into the club with an ass full of attitude and 50 bucks. They buy 3 eight dollar beers and get one table dance then realize after a hour that they are out of money. At this point, they will be heard screaming about how lame this is.
- Businessmen - These are the guys who show up at the club in suits and are all together too serious to be at a strip club. They spend their time engaged in a futile effort to talk the strippers into sex. They leave alone and angry after dropping $400 in drinks and lap dances.
- Hardcore Perverts - These are the patrons who occupy Pervert's Row. They sit up front, don't talk, don't go to the bathroom and apparently don't bathe to frequently. They stay long enough to get a crystal clear image of the strippers burned into their brains. They are the only people who have ever ordered coffee at a strip club.
- Guys attending a stag party. These are the drunkest guys in the room. They too spend hundreds of dollars on lap dances and drinks, but frequently cannot pay. The bouncers will beat the shit out of these guys at nights end. (So stick around). A necessary evil in the stag party is the groom. The groom is the guy who at some point in the evening will end up handcuffed to the strippers pole with his pants down around his ankles. After several strippers use him as the pole for a few minutes there will be a moment of clarity in this mans eyes when he realizes he is standing half naked with a boner proudly on display in a room that has a 99 percent male demographic. The only exception (strippers aside) is the one woman who is there at the club with her boyfriend . Shame and guilt ensue.
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